How do I support my child without teaching them to mask?

This is a thoughtful concern. Many parents worry about this balance, especially if they’ve seen what masking can cost later in life in either themselves or others who have struggled with ADHD. What clinicians usually focus on is the why behind support. There’s a big difference between helping a child learn skills so life feels easier, and teaching them that parts of themselves need to be hidden to be acceptable. Kids pick up on that difference quickly. When support is framed as “this helps your brain” rather than “this makes you easier to deal with,” it lands very differently. One helpful approach is separating behaviour from identity. You can help your child work on things like transitions, emotional regulation, or classroom expectations while still being clear that their energy, sensitivity, or intensity isn’t wrong. For example, the message becomes “your feelings make sense, and we’re learning ways to handle them safely,” not “you need to calm down so people will like you.” Clinicians also encourage parents to make sure children have at least a few spaces where they don’t have to perform. That might be at home, with certain adults, or in activities where they can move, stim, talk, or decompress without correction. Knowing there’s somewhere they can fully be themselves reduces the pressure to mask everywhere else. Another key piece is how adults talk about differences. When parents normalize accommodations and supports as tools, not fixes, kids are less likely to internalize shame. Saying “everyone’s brain needs different things” goes a long way. You won’t get this perfectly right all the time, and that’s okay. What protects kids most isn’t flawless parenting, but knowing they’re accepted even when they’re struggling. Supporting function while protecting identity is less about specific strategies and more about the tone underneath them — and it sounds like you’re already holding that with care, and that approach will benefit your child.