What does healthy 'masking less' actually look like for adults with ADHD?

If an adult with ADHD is appropriately managed with treatments such as medication, or skills training learned in therapy then there should be less need for masking. This might not resolve the habit of masking 100%, but if a patient still feels exhausted from trying to “fit in” and appear neurotypical then we might have to make further adjustments to medications or seek different therapies. Healthy masking might look like using a calendar to maintain productivity and focus. It also involves using strategies like active listening during conversations, especially in the workplace. It is important to remember that setting healthy professional boundaries to protect your own mental health while not a form of masking, is good for self-preservation.

In clinical work, “masking less” for adults with ADHD rarely means abandoning all strategies or showing up unfiltered in every setting. Instead, it usually means being more intentional about where, when, and how much you adapt, so functioning doesn’t come at the expense of your well-being. Masking often develops early for understandable reasons. Many adults learned to hide distractibility, emotional intensity, or organizational struggles to meet expectations, avoid criticism, or maintain relationships. Those strategies can be effective, but they can also be exhausting over time. Healthier masking tends to be selective rather than total. Adults who are masking less are often still professional and socially appropriate, but they stop forcing themselves to meet unrealistic standards that carry a high personal cost. This might look like using visible supports at work, asking for clarification instead of pretending to follow along, or pacing social commitments rather than pushing through exhaustion. The shift isn’t toward impulsivity or oversharing, but toward reducing unnecessary self-suppression. Clinicians often frame this as the difference between adaptation and self-erasure. Adapting to context is part of adult life for everyone. Masking becomes unhealthy when it requires ignoring limits, denying needs, or constantly performing competence without support. A healthier balance allows room for boundaries, accommodations, and honesty with trusted people, while still meeting core responsibilities. Unmasking is usually gradual. Many adults start in lower-stakes environments and notice which changes reduce strain without creating new problems. Rather than asking “should I mask or not,” it’s often more helpful to ask which adaptations support your values and which are costing you too much. That question tends to lead to a more sustainable way of functioning.

In practice, “masking less” doesn’t mean dropping all filters or ignoring social and professional expectations. It means being more intentional about where, when, and why you’re masking, so it’s not costing you your health. Healthy masking looks selective, not constant. Most adults with ADHD still choose to mask in certain settings, like meetings, interviews, or unfamiliar social situations, because that’s part of navigating the world. The difference is that they’re no longer masking everywhere, all the time, or at the expense of their wellbeing. They build in spaces where they don’t have to perform, monitor themselves, or hold everything in. I often explain it as moving from survival masking to strategic masking. Survival masking is automatic and exhausting. It’s suppressing fidgeting, emotions, confusion, or overwhelm all day long, then crashing at night. Strategic masking is choosing what actually matters. For example, you might still manage interruptions at work, but stop forcing eye contact when listening, or allow yourself to take notes openly rather than pretending to remember everything. Healthy masking also includes reducing emotional masking. Many adults start allowing themselves to acknowledge stress, ask for clarification, request breaks, or name overload rather than hiding it completely. That doesn’t mean oversharing, it means not constantly pretending you’re fine when you’re not. Clinically, I look for sustainability. If masking is leaving someone chronically exhausted, irritable, or disconnected, it’s too much. If unmasking feels unsafe or destabilizing, it’s too fast. The goal is balance, not exposure. Masking less is about aligning your external behaviour more closely with your internal reality, while still protecting your responsibilities. It’s not about becoming unfiltered. It’s about becoming less depleted and more yourself, in ways that actually last.