Is chronic people-pleasing something you see often in ADHD adults?

Yes, I see this a lot, especially in adults who were diagnosed later or who grew up feeling subtly “behind.” People-pleasing often develops as a way to protect relationships and avoid criticism. If you’ve spent years being corrected, misunderstood, or feeling inconsistent, you may have learned that being agreeable, helpful, or over-accommodating kept things smoother. Saying yes feels safer than risking disappointment or conflict. There’s also a practical side. ADHD can come with forgetfulness, emotional reactivity, or missed details. Overcommitting can become a way to compensate. You try to stay ahead of potential mistakes by being extra available, extra responsible, extra kind. On the surface it looks generous. Underneath, it’s often fuelled by anxiety about being “not enough.” Impulse plays a role too. Many adults say yes quickly in the moment because they feel enthusiastic, want to help, or struggle to pause before committing. Later, when capacity drops or other obligations pile up, regret sets in. Clinically, this pattern makes sense. It’s a coping strategy that likely worked at some point. The problem is that it’s exhausting and unsustainable. Over time, it can reinforce burnout and resentment, which then feeds more self-criticism. What helps isn’t forcing yourself to become rigid or detached. It’s building a small pause between request and response. Even saying, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you,” can shift things. That pause gives your brain time to assess capacity instead of reacting from fear or enthusiasm. If this resonates, it doesn’t mean you’re weak or manipulative. It usually means you’ve been trying very hard to be valued and secure. Recognizing that is often the first step toward finding ways to show up for others without constantly overriding yourself.