How does masking affect self-esteem over time?

Masking for a long time can quietly take a real toll on self-esteem and identity, especially for people with ADHD. When you’re constantly editing yourself to fit expectations, the message underneath often becomes “who I am as I am isn’t acceptable.” Even if no one ever says that directly, living it day after day can make it feel true. Which obviously won't have a great influence on your personal self-esteem. Over time, masking trains you to value approval over authenticity. You get good at performing what’s expected, but you lose touch with what feels natural or sustainable. Many people start to doubt their own reactions, preferences, or limits because they’ve spent so long overriding them. That’s often where the “I don’t know who I really am” feeling comes from, not because there’s nothing there, but because it’s been pushed aside for a long time. Self-worth can suffer too. When success only seems to count if it happens while you’re hiding effort, struggle, or difference, achievements don’t land fully. They can feel fragile or undeserved, because they weren’t achieved as your whole self. Meanwhile, exhaustion and burnout build in the background, reinforcing the idea that something about you is fundamentally wrong. Clinicians often see that once masking starts to ease, there’s a period of confusion before things feel clearer. That’s normal. You’re not losing yourself, you’re just re-meeting parts of yourself that didn’t have much room before. Rebuilding self-esteem usually means learning that you’re allowed to take up space, have needs, and function differently without apologizing for it. Masking helped you survive in environments that didn’t understand you. But it’s not who you are. With support and time, many people find that identity and self-worth grow stronger when they no longer feel like they have to hide these aspects of themselves in order to belong.