does adhd look different in women? because my symptoms aren't ‘hyper’ at all

Yes. It often does look different, and what you’re describing is something I hear constantly from women and AFAB adults. The stereotype most people have in mind is a loud, physically restless child who can’t sit still. Many women don’t fit that picture at all. Instead of obvious hyperactivity, the restlessness is often internal. Racing thoughts, constant mental to do lists, feeling wired and tired at the same time. From the outside, they can look calm and capable. A lot of women describe being scattered, overwhelmed, emotionally sensitive, and chronically exhausted from trying to keep everything together. People pleasing and perfectionism are common coping strategies. If you grew up being rewarded for being compliant or responsible, you may have pushed yourself very hard to compensate. That effort can hide symptoms for years. Hyperactivity can also show up differently. It might look like over talking when comfortable, jumping between projects, difficulty relaxing, or feeling unable to fully switch off. It’s not always visible movement. Clinically, I see many women who were high achieving but internally chaotic. Or outwardly organized but constantly anxious about dropping something. In this sense, the inattentive symptoms are not an uncommon way for these symptoms to present in females as opposed to the purely hyperactive presentation. By adulthood, burnout is often what brings them in as a result as these inattentive symptoms take their toll. If reading about ADHD in women feels uncomfortably accurate, that’s useful information. It doesn’t automatically mean you have it, but it does mean your experience fits a pattern we see often. You don’t have to be physically hyper for ADHD to be relevant. The quieter, internal presentation is very real and frequently missed.