My friend says I’m flaky — how do I fix it without becoming a different person?

This is such a painful spot to be in, because most people who get called flaky actually care a lot. The problem isn’t values. It’s capacity and prediction. With ADHD, the hardest part is often accurately forecasting future energy, time, and regulation. In the moment of saying yes, you’re sincere. Later, when the day arrives, the true cost becomes clear and you’re left choosing between canceling or pushing yourself past your limits. From the outside that looks unreliable. From the inside it’s miscalibration, not indifference. Clinically, the goal isn’t to become a different person. It’s to change how and when you commit. One of the most effective shifts is committing later and smaller. Saying “let me check my week and get back to you” or “I can probably do a shorter version” protects your reliability more than enthusiastic yeses. Reliability improves when commitments are realistic, not optimistic. Another piece is building buffer into plans. Leaving more time between activities, avoiding back to back commitments, and planning recovery time makes follow through more likely. This isn’t being fragile. It’s respecting how your nervous system actually works. Communication matters too. Reliability isn’t just showing up, it’s being predictable. Giving earlier notice, naming capacity honestly, and reframing cancellations as limits rather than excuses can preserve trust. Many friends are more understanding than we expect when patterns are explained clearly. Importantly, fixing flakiness does not mean saying yes more often. It usually means saying yes less often, but more consistently. Sustainable reliability comes from fewer promises kept well, not more promises kept painfully. You don’t need to erase spontaneity or become rigid. You need systems that protect your energy and your relationships at the same time. That’s not changing who you are. That’s learning how to show up in a way that actually lasts.